Magazine | The different species of the UvA
Every UvA campus is different, and so are the students who study there. The UvA student in four (stereotypical) types.
The PCHer
(Homo pchooftaensis)
The PCHer is primarily found in the labyrinth of the PC Hoofthuis at the Spuistraat. Because they must constantly navigate incomprehensible stairwells, they develop an excellent sense of direction. However, it is clear from newcomers that these navigational skills are not innate.
PCHers are characterized by the remarkable ability to form profound opinions without any prior preparation. Reading the assigned texts is by no means a prerequisite for this. Their natural camouflage consists of black clothing and a slightly weary gaze.
Did you know…
A PCHer can easily write an entire essay without ever making a single concrete point?
The BG-student
(Homo oudemanhuisportensis)
The BG-student can usually be identified by a multitude of baggy, layered clothing, each item sourced from a nearby vintage pop-up store and often crafted from authentic Peruvian alpaca wool. The look of this species is completed with eyeliner and a sleepy – if not lifeless – gaze.
Although the BG-student inhabits what is perhaps the busiest and most chaotic part of the city, they are nonetheless characterized by an air of tranquillity – at least as long as there is no protest in sight. This may be because they are taught that even deadlines, grades, and degrees are, in the end, merely a social construct.
Did you know?
A BG-student effortlessly combines an anti-capitalist attitude with paying 6 euros for a matcha latte?
The Roeterseilander
(Homo roeterislandensis)
Roeterseilanders are a unique species, as they can be roughly split into two distinct groups. The first group is characterized by a strong focus on future survival chances. With a purposeful stride and an inimitable focus on networking, members of this group are almost constantly occupied with creating better circumstances for themselves.
Remarkably, members of this group do not only think of their own future. On the contrary: they regularly express the desire to ‘make an impact’ and ‘improve the world.’ They dedicate themselves to these causes in groups, with varying degrees of success.
The second group studies Communication Science.
Did you know…
When standing in front of a wardrobe, a Roeterseilander sometimes forgets they aren't actually a participant in Fashion Week?
The Science Parker
(Homo scienceparkensis)
The Science Parker is a specialized species that has adapted to a more remote and technical environment. Their diet consists largely of caffeine and quick snacks, which enable them to bridge long periods of intense concentration.
Science Parkers possess a highly developed analytical capacity and frequently communicate in domain-specific formalizations and abstract representations that are not semantically interpretable to uninitiated agents without contextual parsing or knowledge of underlying computational paradigms.
Did you know…
Despite the close proximity of greenery in their habitat, Science Parkers rarely actually “touch grass”?
